>Hold on to Hope, Love

>To hope is to risk. A risk of being let down.  A risk of getting hurt.  I’m not sure where hope went, what door it snuck out but it’s hardly ever found.  Far off glimpses and a chance for sweet connection but nothing that lasts, nothing to make it mine.  Selfish ambitions and empty accusations keep it at a distance, just far enough to keep wounds open and hearts broken.  Babies in lost situations and parents with blank faces. Fears replace the empty spaces.  Nothing to live for, nothing to try for.  Failed attempts and endless paths.  Open arms turned to suffocating traps.  What once was brilliance is lack-luster fate.  But with only one way to go, one place to run, hold on to hope, Love.  It brought you here and it is your way out.  Take the risk, Love, hold on to hope, Love.

>Full Bloom

>There are no words for how God works.  Beautiful, just, soft, strong, loving…they don’t cut it.  The last few months have been really hard for me for different reasons but this morning I realize it all comes down to one thing…I’m not walking in my calling.  God has called me to be His hands and feet in a very specific way but I have been ignoring it.  My heart keeps crying out for peace and some kind of hope but I can’t find rest because there is no rest when you are fighting the Creator of all things.

I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions lately and trying to figure out what has been causing me to ignore God’s small whisper.  There are many answers to that question but a few that are very prominent in my life right now.  I surround myself with people…all the time.  Granted, I’m a people person and learn SO much from those I love…but in doing that I forget to allow God to be one of those people in my every day life.  He is the one I want to spend most of my time with.  Another reason I block out His whisper is because I know it’s calling me to something intimidating, something I know I can’t do on my own.  It’s so ridiculous (human) for me to think that anything God would call me to do would be something of my own power…Holy Spirit is my strength and who actually does the moving and changing!  I am but a vessel.   And the oh so prominent one is that I am a people pleaser.  I allow other people and their expectations to become more important than the sweet call of my King.  Loving people and letting them control me are 2 different things.  Changing my “people-pleasing heart” is really hard and something that I’ve been trying to change for a long time but I do believe that in following my calling I will be taking a giant step in leaving that behind.

Life is changing today and I am excited to really embrace it.  I think my Spring is fully bloomed and now I must work to make room for the good to grow.  

God is so good.  

>Today

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“The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present – and I don’t want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.” –Audrey Hepburn

This quote genuinely speaks what my heart is desiring.  I no longer want to fret about the things to come. The things of the past are to be embraced as stepping stones and beautiful moments rather than a dwelling place.  While I wait in this season of decisions and lack of direction I need to hold to these truths and just love what today has to offer.

Embrace today, find your passion, and  work towards your goals.

>Head Full Of Doubt, Road Full Of Promise

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>Judging is Not Loving

>We all judge to a certain extent.  We sort people by their hair, clothes, music they listen to, food they eat, where they shop…etc. But people don’t belong in categories, people are equal.  This is so hard to grasp, so hard live by.  Are we too full of ourselves to truly understand that we are above no one?  Sadly, it’s true.

If we want to love everyone as ourselves then we must see everyone as ourselves.  So much of me wants to say, even now, that there are exceptions but there aren’t.  The men raping little girls in Asia each night, the junky selling herself for her next hit, the lady spending her last penny on cat food for her 76 cats at home…we’re all equal.  Society says those people are less than the common US citizen for one reason or another, that there is some open door to mock and hurt them.  But they need love, they have redemption at their door, they are human!  We are human.  I wish we could all get this through our head that each person is seen as a beloved child in God’s eyes.  We are never going to be perfect and each of us has the capability of doing and being the worst of the worst.  I want to help people, not because they need me but, because they deserve a loving hand to be there for them.

>Confessions

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Warning: This post is solely about me and may bore you. 🙂 What are your confessions?

i’m messy. my glasses are too big for my face. my nose sticks out too far.  i talk too loud.  my moves don’t groove.  i love to lay in green grass.  i have moods that change with the weather. my love comes easy but my trust rarely shows its face.  i never wear jewelry…but i own too much of it.  i’m a hypochondriac with good reason.  laughing comes all to easy and my smile inconveniently shows up in somber silences.  i’m different than most people expect me to be.  at the end of the day i look back and laugh, well, because there is always something to laugh at.  i hate to fall asleep before my friends.  if i could eat sushi every day for every meal i would.  commitment to one location is comparable to drinking vinegar.  different cultures intrigue me.  i love when it rains hard.  i dream more than i “do,” with every intention of “doing”.  i read a lot but rarely finish a book.  i’m not bothered by getting lost or getting old.  i’d rather get lost and old with you.  i dream of leading worship.  new music excites me more than new food but not as much as new people.  words are my weakness.  because of that, i talk too much.  and i say things i shouldn’t.  justice is my lens.  i lost my rose colored lenses, but i don’t really like when everything’s pink anyway.  i have yet to find the perfect pen and yes, it is a goal.  i drive with the windows down because i don’t like the air conditioner.  i’m a cynic but i still hold to hope.  i chase rainbows and sunsets.  my pop-culture knowledge lacks much.  i don’t think i could quote one movie quote correctly but i still try.  when you tell me i can’t, i know i can and, i’ll prove you wrong…or at least try 🙂   i like me.  the end.

>Live Wisely. Live Simply.

>I’m thinking of ways to have a “garage sale” in the middle of winter.  It’s a very limited thought but I want to get rid of my stuff…now.  Not only that but, I need to pay bills.  I’ve been so convicted lately of cutting down on my lifestyle, going back to cooking all my food, eating healthy, making things to do rather than paying for entertainment, creating rather than buying new clothes and accessories.  These are just a few small things I’m going to start when I get home.

Karma.  Well…”sewing seeds” in Christianese.  I really feel like we could be doing so much more for others than we do already.  If we put into action the things that Christ actually teaches then we would be living the fullest lives we could possibly imagine.  Now, I’m not saying to do good things because good things will happen to you.  I’m saying that there are consequences to good and bad living.  A life lived in love produces much love, whether evident now or in eternity.  A life full of hate or judgement leads to emptiness and loneliness.  It’s pretty simple.  Our decisions and actions affect everyone around us, especially the ones we love so why would we live in a way that would bring anyone down?  It’s something I just don’t get but yet do every day.  Showing love in every action is a discipline just as much as eating healthy and exercising…it’s something we need to work for and few are good at it right off the bat.

I want to be wise in each decision I make and each relationship I invest in.  Love and simplicity are what I strive for and am passionate about right now.  Something I’m learning about myself is that I need people to walk with in each passion and idea I have.  Not that I can’t or won’t do things on my own but they are so much more enjoyable when shared with others.  I’m so thankful for my friends and their hearts to live simply and in love.  What would I do without their dreams and passions to get excited about?  

Suggestion on living in love and simplicity: Read about Mother Teresa

Live a life full of action and love…could I stress the love point any more?haha  Yeah actually, love is so important I could never say it enough.  Love love love.  Ok now go live it!